last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
