I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
