You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We need to get me chipped asap
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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