my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
