Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
