I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
