My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
