You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
