Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
