Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
