Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
