this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
