I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
