I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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