It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
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