Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
