I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
