so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
