Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
