batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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