I smell stomach acid.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You don't make any sense
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