How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Blood and glitter go together right?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
