I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
