So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
