roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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