Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Randomize
