I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
