Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize