ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just cut my nipple shaving
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
