I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
