woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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