it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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