Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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