I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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