She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
