Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
