5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
