Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
