Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What a dumb baby whore.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
