Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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