you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
