he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
