I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
