ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
