In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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