the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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