Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
