Whod you bang
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
