My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Panties = found
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