The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im holly from the hills drunk
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
