ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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