my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
