and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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