Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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