Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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