Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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