Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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