i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
