i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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