Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
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That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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