uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
