Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
