i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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