I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.