Texts From Last Night

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle

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  (330): oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle http://tfl.nu/fluw
  Replies (27) Good night (4261) Bad night (745)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.

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  (303): GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car. http://tfl.nu/jp7a
  Replies (14) Good night (958) Bad night (4256)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it

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  (402): you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it http://tfl.nu/0kqo
  Replies (11) Good night (4064) Bad night (1572)
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  (530): View more from California

  Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.

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  (530): Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls. http://tfl.nu/qy86
  Replies (27) Good night (745) Bad night (7223)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night

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  (330): So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night http://tfl.nu/sszo
  Replies (4) Good night (1370) Bad night (2717)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable

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  (417): Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable http://tfl.nu/hmli
  Replies (14) Good night (5380) Bad night (796)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?

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  (305): does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend? http://tfl.nu/qj9q
  Replies (10) Good night (1653) Bad night (2994)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.

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  (704): Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now. http://tfl.nu/n39e
  Replies (4) Good night (703) Bad night (1274)
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  (650): View more from California

  It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.

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  (650): It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag. http://tfl.nu/hxfk
  Replies (3) Good night (1223) Bad night (592)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Love me.

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just for one nugget?

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  (508): Love me. (781): GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS. (508): Just for one nugget? http://tfl.nu/9y03
  Replies (6) Good night (2714) Bad night (657)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight

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  (302): I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight http://tfl.nu/n5g0
  Replies (6) Good night (734) Bad night (463)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?

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  (313): My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up? http://tfl.nu/qcgq
  Replies (1) Good night (770) Bad night (317)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.

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  (410): well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you. http://tfl.nu/1rtw
  Replies (5) Good night (603) Bad night (247)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?

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  (509): You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you? http://tfl.nu/3xdc
  Replies (8) Good night (346) Bad night (1096)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush

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  (815): You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush http://tfl.nu/lq9w
  Replies (11) Good night (446) Bad night (224)

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