What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My ass is underappreciated
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
