u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
