Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.