Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.