Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
