My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
