I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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