I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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