you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
