At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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