Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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