you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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