Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
