i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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