I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
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Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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