Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
