We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dick very happy bro
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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