dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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